My Not-so-lovely Letter To A Certain Man


If you’re wondering if I wrote this for you, you are wrong. I did not write this with you on my thoughts. I wrote this for one—and only one—person in mind.

Hello again.

A long time ago, my dream love story was a beautiful, almost-perfect one. I honestly wished for one which could sweep off the feet of many women.

But shit happens and I was not spared of it.

So first things first, I will disappoint you.

I will not be the woman of your dreams. Yea, I get it that you’re not looking for a perfect woman, but as unpredictable as I am, I will fail your expectations. But I can be the woman who will stay with you no matter what. I will choose to stay with you—even when I am being cranky, demanding, clingy, cold, silent.

Second, I tend to kill the magic—sometimes intentionally, sometimes naively. Intentionally when I find you not paying attention to my needs; naively, when I am being head over heels for you.

Third, I feel things deeply and that is both an advantage and a disadvantage for both of us.

Fourth, I have depression tendencies. If you are not decided to stay when I am at my worst, when I am facing my own demons, when the monsters under my bed are keeping me awake at night—then do not bother send me love notes; don’t even tell me that I am beautiful, because…

Fifth, I am and will not be impressed. I am a woman who delights on simple things, but is difficult to satisfy. I will not be swayed by bouquets of flowers, boxes of chocolates, free food and whatsoever. I have been used to living on my own without the company and affirmation of a man, so those things won’t really count.

Sixth, a number of men have expressed their disapproval of my principles and choices on the man I want to spend my life with. So listen very well—I don’t give a fudge.

Seventh, I don’t really count what and how much you are willing to do for me. I won’t believe your promises while you’re courting me. Don’t even waste your time making me believe you.

Because lastly, it is not what you say or do to me. You will only have me when I choose you. I will choose you not because you sent me gifts, tried to impress me or my family; I will choose you because I will see you in the eyes of the people who know you. I will see you through your eyes, your facial expressions, your hand gestures, your mannerisms. I will take notice of you in the duration of our friendship. I will make you uncomfortable with my questions. I will intimidate you with my life struggles. If I find you worth risking for, worth risking with—then I will choose you.

So have fun in your life and stop bothering me right now.

Bother me when you’re about to be my husband.

Sincerely yours,

I love you.

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