As much as I wanted to make things okay between us, things are never the same again. As much as I would like to overcome my indifference towards the rift between us, I could not anymore. I am sorry that I could no longer be the friend you can count on.
Sometimes, I worry if I messed up again in life. But depression and anxiety taught me that to think that way would place me into the downward spiral of self-pitying and unforgiveness. So I just want you to know that I am not harboring any anger towards you. Things just became too uncomfortable between us — and I know you feel that too.
It has been uncomfortable because no one ever apologized. And though it would have been a lot easier to deal with if one of us had the guts to confront the other, it never happened. Maybe I was afraid, and maybe you had too much ego in yourself. I was afraid, because truth be told, you triggered panic attacks in me. It felt awful. I hated experiencing anxiety attacks, especially those triggered by a former friend.
That is why I am maintaining this safe distance between the two of us — a distance enough for me to breathe normally, to function normally in a social setting. I don’t hate you, I just need to make sure I am not going to blow up into pieces. Believe me, you won’t want to be in my shoes. Knowing you, you might not even be able to handle it the way I can.
But if you just feel wanting to give a penny for my thoughts about certain things, well, I could still converse with you. And hopefully, without any signs of an impending anxiety attack.
Your former friend,