It’s a pajama-kind of day today. I know it because the writer in me tells me so. I’ll be spending the day immersed in the “writing process.” In the grid, if that’s a better term. The reason for this phenomenon is the weather. Normally, the heat from the rays of the sun penetrating my room wakes me up, but today, the sun is hidden behind the rain clouds. Still lying on my bed, I had an unusual morning thought: “What would it feel like to wake up with someone cuddling me?” For several weeks, I am being tossed and rolled over by my waves of emotions. I tell God that my desires need to be tamed, that my heart needs to be guarded, that my focus needs to be redirected back to His will.
For a long while I have been nurturing this attraction I have for a certain guy. It is undeniable that I very much like this guy — the smiling-up-to-the-ears kind. It is a “crush” thing, you know. I feel like a teen all over again *laughs in Filipino*. But no matter how much I try to step over the boundary between having a crush on him and falling for him, I am always held back. By what? By my objective and rational side? By my “segurista” side? By Cupid? By some unseen forces from heaven?
I like him — a lot. I enjoy having a conversation with him. I smile whenever I think about him. I get excited on his reply to my messages. I try to make him laugh as often as possible. I like getting to know more about him. And I could go on and on here, enumerating all the reasons why I like him in the poetic, romantic, oh-the-feels way, but mentioning it all would defeat the purpose of this article.
Getting attracted to a guy is normal.
Liking him is normal. Falling for him is normal, too. But somehow, in the normalcy of all of these, the female population turned out to be “victims” of this now-dreaded natural occurrence in life. Personally, it saddens me; it burdens me, at the most. Because women need not be victims. We are not supposed to be victims of love (pun intended).
I am saying this because I know many teens, even twenty-something women, who blame themselves for getting attracted to men. For dreaming about them. For being poets because of the roller-coaster ride of emotions. They have this perception that it is a curse to like, or love, a man. They think that it makes them completely stupid to fall for a man. They even believe that love is dangerous, that it is destructive.
I am no expert in relationships, but I am pretty confident that I am an expert in finding all the reasons why I can like a guy. And most often than not, the reasons are dead fascinating. To make myself a more credible person on this field, when I choose to, I can go head over heels to someone and still no one — as in, nobody — would notice it. I have years of experience, my dear friends. But what is my point on saying this?
Well, there is nothing wrong about liking a guy, dearest female readers. Why do you have to blame yourself? Why do you have to torture yourself for having emotions? Why do you have to feel bad about liking a guy?
Don’t slap yourself for being a woman; instead, embrace your womanhood.
You like him? Fine. You think of him even when you’re just removing with a toothpick a bit of food stuck in between your teeth? That’s okay. You dream of a possibility that he’ll also like you? Alright. You fantasize of a future with him? Errrrr…that’s okay, too. But you’ll say, “No! It is not okay! I know what will happen next! I’ll just get hurt in the end!” Well, that’s possible. *closes my eyes, nodding in agreement*
Here is where we miss the point. Here, in the valley of emotions, is where we lose sight of the beauty of our womanhood. Whenever I find myself in this valley, I always remember Morrie Schwartz (in Mitch Albom’s Tuesdays With Morrie). I remember the timeless lesson I learned from him which changed my life perspective in a drastic way. I quote,
“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely.”
You see, you can never run away from your emotions. That is what makes you more human, and also what makes you a woman. God created women to feel deeply. The reason why men are not as “emotional” as women are is because women are the personification of God’s emotions. (I’m not going to teach theology here because that would be a lengthy discussion; but let’s put this basic fact in womanhood in our mind, shall we?) The more you understand this, the more you learn to love yourself as a woman, along with the quirks and perks of it.
When you are being emotional, that is normal. When you’re feeling that you are “helplessly” falling in love with a guy, that is normal, too. The only game changer in this normalcy lies on how you respond to it. The way you deal with your emotions will tell you if it’s
another round of getting heartbroken
becoming a woman of wisdom and love.
Do you see the stark contrast between the two outcomes? That is because the knowledge about your womanhood plays a pivotal role in transforming your “lovelife.”
You can like a guy, but how far and deep do you intend to? What are your intentions?
Do not place the pressure and expectations on men to purify their intentions, while you go around mindlessly pouring out your heart to someone or anyone or everyone.
You have your own heart to take care of; identify your emotions and intentions. Do not act like you are helpless when your emotions go berserk; you are a woman, not an infant. You have the ability and power to make decisions, to determine the places where your emotions will run to. Stop being childish. Stop acting like it’s all the fault of men. It is already enough that Adam pointed his finger to Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. Get your act together and pursue wisdom. Seek counsel from women and couples who walk in God’s wisdom. Read books which will help you manage your emotions and expectations. Have meaningful conversations with the people around you.
Don’t just sit there doing nothing. You. Are. Not. Powerless.
How about love? Well, love deserves another or even a couple more articles, but I’ll say something noteworthy. Love is altogether beautiful. It never seeks to destroy a person — his or her dreams, hopes, and joy. Love is something you don’t find in this world’s standards and definition, because love is not from the world. The world is filled with imperfect (and scary) inhabitants, capable of destroying each other, intentionally or not. So love could not possibly come from this place. The reason why love exists here in our flawed world is because Love came and lived with us. It is not a feeling, or a fleeting emotion. It is alive. And that makes love a force to be reckoned with.
Now the next words in this article are up to you. I will leave them in your hands. Seek, explore, learn, and understand.
You being a woman is a gift.
You are amazing, along with your emotions, as well as the man you like. Keep your love on! #KYLO
Uncrushing him though (’cause clarity is life, huehue),